Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just invented taco cereal.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
