I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
