I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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