Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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