I wannas sexs uuuuu
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
