I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
