Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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