Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
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My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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