she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
