just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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