I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
