dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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