Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
