you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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