Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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