If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
