I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
