She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
