You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
