you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
