She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
