so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
