There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
