It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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