I am midnight drunk by noon
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
