Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
