I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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