Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
