I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he puts the penis in happiness.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
