The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just googled if crying burns calories
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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