Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
