I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
