She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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