well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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