I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
only if we run a train.
done.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
