dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
