Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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