At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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