I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My Sexting was not on an AP level
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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