Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
where are my eyebrows?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
