I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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