I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ladies don't puke and tell
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
