Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
