Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
