I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
