remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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