Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
