he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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