so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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