I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize