OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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