so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
