Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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