Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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