I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
