I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
