college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
