I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
