I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
