Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
