I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
