From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
