chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
