i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
