I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
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He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize