dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
