I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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