I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
